Ok..Be warned that this is going to be a very long post which may seem to be without an ending.See!I told you!Even my very first sentence is annoyingly loso..But,sorry!I couldn't help it..That's what I do---I talk..a lot.And I'm not going to do this in Chinese because I'm just too darn lazy to turn on the damn Southern Star thing and just don't feel like doing this in Chinese.So,again,sorry!
How's my summer been so far?
Yiehh~Not too bad I guess..
- Went to Scarborough Beach twice (see Facebook photos for details)
- Did 3 sits so far (for future reference,when I say sit,it means babysitting)
- Had a few days of Nintendo DS craze and am now over it already
- Went for a 3 hours Makaton workshop
- Filed in all my paper works for the position as a casual support worker and now waiting to be call in for my duty for both the casual support work and party hosting (yes..I have two jobs for now)
- Squated outside the yard for roughly 1 hour and half pulling those darn weeds out with mum (oh ya..Mum's here)
- Didn't do much exercise this week
- Eat & drink
- Sleep & wake up
- Shit & pee
- Eat & drink some more
- Sleep & wake up some more
- Shit & pee some more (I'm SORRY but I just cannot remember the more polite way of saying 'shitting'!)
I know I did more than that for the past 2 weeks but like I said,I'm no Einstein,so I don't really remember what else.
But I'm not here to brag about how my summer has been so far..Seriously! (Yea..right..Talk so much bout it baru say not wanting to talk bout it..=.=;)
Anyways,I'm writing to talk about a thing call 'judgement'.Familiar?I'm pretty sure every normal functioning human being knows what that is,regardless of culture and ethnic backgrounds.
Why do we judge?What kind of judegement hurts the most?Can the world survive one day without any judgement at all?
The answer for no.3 is an absolute NO!
No matter how much we want others to stop judging us,we just couldn't help be the one judging.
To be frank,I hate this 'judgement' thing.I hate it when people show me the "I'm judging you right now,at this moment" look.But,regardless of how much hatred I have for the occurence of 'judgement',I'm just like any of you who can understand what I'm writing right now.I'm nothing but just human,so unfortunately,I judge people as well.But I do try to not judge people by their appearance nor by just the first impression they give.
It's sad enough to be rudely judged by people you don't know.However,when people you're close to make judgements about you as well,I just think that'll just ruin my mood even more.Sure,you can say there's two categories of judgements,the positive and the negative.But,think carefully,how often do humans make positive judgement about others?As far as I know,the chances are like 55% to 45%.55% being the frequency for negative judgements and 45% is for the positive.
Judgements that I hear on a daily basis send off too much negative vibe that it'll just make the day looks gloomier than usual.And I don't like gloomy days at all.
Why do we have to judge others so much?Them living a different live from ours,does that mean we have the right to interfere and judge what's right and what's wrong,what has to be done,what shouldn't be,all according to our own theory?That just makes us sound like a bunch of narrow minded people,doesn't it?People living in this era,constantly claiming that we're walking towards a century where we are more open-minded.But how true is that statement?If we really are open minded,would we be making judgements about others?I'm not trying to say judgements make no good at all.In fact,some judgements do lead to certain amount of improvement.
Here comes the interesting question.
Why is that,90% of what I've shared in my blog,I don't share them with my family members?Why is that,I prefer writing it out in my blog rather than have a face-to-face talk about it?
It's because of judgements.To be honest,I'm afraid of hearing judgements,especially the negative ones.I'm not going to pretend that I don't care what other people think,because I do.I live in a world filled with different individuals that have different impact on my life,so of course I care about what other people think about me.I don't want to be ignorant and provoke anyone,what I want is to be neutral.
My family means the world to me,but sadly,I'm kind of different from the crowd.I'm like the odd ball in the house because I do things that they won't normally do.Sometimes,it seems like what I say doesn't really matter because I'm the youngest.What I said is either bullshit or should already be known by others so there's really no point in me being the one saying it.
Is it me being paranoid?No.I know I'm not.People who say I'm being paranoid are actually,I think,in denial.
I get asked the questions starting with "why" a lot.And I don't have a freaking idea about the answers to all those questions.Often,I do things that even I myself can't explain.There's no 'because' to what I do.I just do what feels right and what makes me happy.When there's an exact 'because' to the answer,I try my best to explain.But,some people'll never get it.If it's not something they'd do,to them it's unneccessary.No matter how legit your reasons may seem,it's all bullshit if they don't think like you do.This is not directed to just my family,but also to some other people.
I don't share my problems with certain people not because I think what I did was wrong.It's because I know to some people,they've already made an impression about certain things and no further evidence can make them think otherwise.Talking to them is like making a bet with all your money at one go.You only get one shot,and if what you said doesn't fit into their theory of mind,you're pretty much doomed.There's no room for mistake.One mistake can cost you a life time of nagging,a life time of judgement that takes forever to change.I've learnt that,there really is no need for me to have a discussion with people who don't have room for diferences.To a certain someone,what's not in their mind is just plain bullshit.I'd rather not make the bet and keep all the chips to myself.I like things that are simple and safe to play with.A coward?Well..Maybe.
One other horrible thing about humans is that,some people make bad judgements about other people,just to make themselves feel more superior.They try to find the weakness of others and attack them using that weakness.Over and over again,it's the same bitching line.They knew perfectly that no one is perfect,they use that as an 'excuse' when people point out their weakness.When it comes to dealing with someone else's weakness,that is when they forget about the 'no one is perfect' thing.They'd start making negative judgements,even if it's the same thing,to them,it's just worth going through it over and over again.It doesn't really matter if the weakness is still there or not.As long as it was there before,it's enough to feed their cravings for deminishing others for a long time.
Last thing that is irrelavant to what I've just said.Remember the story about putting a small black dot on a big piece of white paper and ask people what do they see.I think that's total BS and is heck misleading.Well!Of course they'd say they see a black dot!DUH!You deliberately put it on there just so they'd notice it!And then you turn around telling them they're wrong and has a personality problem?I just don't get it...Seriously...
Ok..Enough for today...
Ok..So I managed to finish 3 chapters of the book when I was babysitting..
Oh yeah..Speaking of babysitting,I'm no longer an unemployed bum anymore.
Well,long story cut short:-
Beginning of this previous semester (because I finished my exams liao~Remember?),I went in for an interview for a casual support worker with Activ.At that time,they couldn't employ me because I didn't have enough experience with people with disabilities.So,instead of being a paid worker,they suggest I do some volunteering work first before re-applying for the job again.I was upset,bla bla bla and all the shit that you're suppose to go through when you got turn down.I did,of course,went with the suggestion and started doing some volunteering.Went for the disco sundowners that're held for those who're mentally disabled,in fact,I've been there 3 times,4 hours per session.And then,last week I started with my first sit for kids with mental disabilities.With the help I received from my supervisor,I was offered the position of a paid casual support worker.But,I'm still in the middle of filling in all the paper works and stuff,so not officially their employees yet.
So that basically sums up what happened there.
Oh!And plus,I don't think I'll be able to share much of my working experience since there's this confidential policy that I have to follow.I can get fired and ruin my reputation if I expose too many details,especially via blog,even though it's not like my blog is public or super popular or anything.Anyways,we'll see how it goes because I can sense that sooner or later,I'll want to share some thoughts on here.
Ok~Back to the book.
Chapter 2:He's just not that into you if he's not calling you
Ok..So this very first statement made in this chapter made me laughed:"Men know how to use the phone".
What the authors were trying to bring out is that,if a man is interested in you,they'll find a way to make connection with you,no matter what.
We live in an era bombarded with all kinds of technology,especially those used for communicating.
If you don't own a mobile phone,there's the house phone.
If you don't own a house phone,there's the public phone.
If you don't live anywhere a public phone,there's always your friend's cellphone. (haha!)
If you don't dare to talk or listen to the other's voice,there's always text messaging and emailing!
And etc etc etc...I'm pretty sure you know what I'm trying to get at this point.
I strongly agree that,if guys are interested in you,they're bound to find ways to stay in touch with you.
All my previous relationships started off with the means of communication.
First,there was the house calling period,because I didn't have a mobile phone back then.
And then,the text messaging period.
Eventually followed by the online chatting period.
Which of course,as the trend changes,it shifted to Facebook messaging/wall-writing.
All in all,for me,chapter 2 has a lot of credit given because most that was said was is was is (?) legitimate.
Taking 'busy' as an excuse for not staying connected is total BS I reckon'.
And sadly to say,I'm guilty of both coming up and accepting 'being busy' as an excuse for not calling.
It says here in this chapter,if a guy forgets to call,it means that he's just not that interested in you.
It's not true right?
But sometimes,even the most important thing can slip out of your mind,right?It doesn't necessarily means that it's not important at all,right?
Please tell me it's not just my naivity and you agree with me,too... >.< Please please please *begging hard*
I forget bout things at times as well,but it doesn't mean that that thing doesn't matter to me.It's just that,I'm no Einstein nor Thomas Edison so my brain capacity is very very limited..Heeeeeeeeee *grin*
Chapter 3:He's just not that into you if he's not dating you
This chapter is the reason why I don't friggin' agree with the whole 'only hanging out but not dating' or 'seeing someone is different from dating' thing.
To me,it's either you're in a relationship or you're nothing but just friends.
Don't freaking make any move before you are sure with what you want!
Don't freaking give me bloody misleading hints and then end up telling me that you're not ready for a relationship.
Bullshit!
If you know you're not,why would you wanna hang out with me and lead me on in the first place?
The gray area between friendship and relationship,that's always the thing that drives people nuts when it comes to dating.
Hhmmm...The way the authors put it,"It's not that they're not ready to be in a relationship,they're just not ready to be in a relationship with you."
Harsh and sad,but true.
Not much review on this chapter..Been too busy trying to express my thoughts bout the whole 'dating/seeing someone' thing~
Hhmmm...
But I guess it would be fun to be able to 'hang out' with multiple people at once.
Commitments and hassle free.Haha!!
It's call attention-seeking,not love-finding.
Chapter 4:He's just not that into you if he's not having sex with you
Boy oh boy~If you really want to take this seriously,that means there's a big portion of unmarried couples that I know of who are in a relationship that neither one is interested in the other.
I,for one,am not the kind of person who is against pre-marital sex.
As long as you feel that the chemistry is right and that you love the person at that moment,then I don't think anyone else should make a judgement about that.
But may I just remind you once again,this is a book written by two AMERICANs,a culture that is different from ours (well..mine at least~ XD haha!).
Even though,people are more open-minded nowadays,but that doesn't mean every culture has to be the same.
Some couples do not have sex and will not force their partners into it.But that doesn't mean that they don't love them or aren't interested in them,it's just that,they respect their partners' decision in not having pre-marital sex.
It's because they are so into them,they respect their partners' decision because they don't want to push them over the edge and end up losing them.
Face it,boys think with their penis,that's the universal idea that were being taught.
That is an innate-thing and there's nothing you can do about it.
BUT!I'm not saying that all boys act upon their penis.
Thinking and acting is different.
Boys aren't the only one with sexual drive,I believe you all know that all normal human beings do.
We live to reproduce and that's already been pre-programmed onto our genes.
It's normal for boys to want to have sex with someone they are attracted to,so no judgement should be made on that and no boys should be called a pervert just because they are being themselves.
So,I think that the more appropriate title for this chapter should be "He's just not that into you if he doesn't want to have sex with you".
We all know,secretly,deep down inside of our hearts,that one would want to have sex with people they are attracted to,let it be if it's said out loud or not.But to whether or not prosecute the action and prolong that thought,it's the whole id vs superego vs ego battle.
Oooo~I don't know..I just hope that I'm making sense.
Please tell me if I'm not...
Then....I might consider getting brain surgery so I can start making sense when I talk or express myself..haha!
Man~!
I suddenly have an urge to say this,"Having that special someone to watch tv with is awesome!"
No reason..Just because I was watching "National Treasure" at work all by myself just now and thought it was boring! (not the movie..)
So,my sister gave me this book called "He's just not that into you:The no-excuses truth to understanding guys" two days ago.
The way she placed the book on my table with the smirk on her face,I knew what she was trying to send across.
"Your ex-boyfriend was just not that into you!"
Plus,for the past few months,she was telling me,occassionally,how I was just an Asian girl he happens to date and how he's not that into me and all those sorts of kind-of-negative messages.
I,seriously,do not know why.
Was it because she cares so much bout me that she doesn't want me to get hurt?
Maybe..I don't know..I have to be truthful and say that,it didn't really feel like it though...
I didn't try to explain myself much nor did I try telling her about our story and all because I just think it's unnecessary,especially if the person had already made an assumption about the situation and couldn't be bothered to listen further.
Anyways,back to the book.
Well,since I'm on holiday right now,and I just think that this book is plain cruel (will try to explain why it's cruel at the end,if I remember~),so I thought I should give it a try and write a review bout it while I progress through it.
Ok..First off,to make this book sounds more..erm..worth while (?),it was written by a writer and a consultant of "Sex and the City".
Yes..The very original "Sex and the City".
So,whoever watched the series would know that that series was is a big hit.It still is.
After 6 seasons of non-stop sex and love issues,it never fails to capture the attention of its audiences.
I've never really read the original book,but judging on the series,I think I'm making a rather safe assumption that it's a good book,everyone agree on that?
Another plus to that is Oprah Winfrey gave the book this review,"Six words to change your life for ever...This book should be on every single woman's nightstand!"
This book surely has a lot credits given.
Alrighty..Let's get started with the review.
(P.s I haven't read through the whole thing so I'm gonna do this chapter by chapter.)
Chapter 1:He's just not that into you if he's not asking you out
Well,the title itself is pretty self-explanatory.
The authors (a man and a woman,by the way) emphasized on this one point:"Guys aren't as complicated as girls.If they see something they like,they will go for it no matter what."
Up to this point,I'm still in mutual agreement with the authors.
Even the shyest guy would try to make a move and show some hints,right?At least that's what I think.I don't really have any friends I know of who is shy to the point that he wanted to keep everything to himself and not make a move at all.
But here's the thing.
This book is heavily based on what American people think about the Americans they've dated. (Yes..that was a rather risky assumption to make.)
We can't really indulge all of those without taking culture perspective into account.Nor is it rational for us to try to generalise every single male figures with the same stereotype,it's unfair.
Even though I do agree to some extend to the point made,it is still important to realise the differences between my culture believes and those of the authors'.
All in all,this book review is looking kind of crappy so far providing that I just read the first chapter,only once.Haha!My apologies.
One thing I'll try to bear in mind is that,this book will only be a pure entertainment for the time being
Though some points are worth taking into consideration,I still don't think I'd agree 100% to all the content nor would I treat it as a bible to guide me through my 'possible-future-relationship'.
Don't get me wrong,it's not that I don't respect the authors and all,I do.Just that,even though they're people who are 100 times way smarter than I am,we are still,afterall,seperate individuals with seperate patterns of living.
Well,this is kind of crap.
Hopefully that I'll have something more productive and more worth your time next time.
Til then,sorry~ =P
I'm no natural born writer materials so bear with me lar~
他们的邂后很普通。
他们之间相处得很愉快，男孩给女孩带来了很多的快乐。
他们的开始，遭受到了身边朋友的眼光。
纵然是双方都受尽了别人的闲言闲语，男孩还是坚持想要和女孩在一起的决定。
可是，女孩心里很清楚，这一个开始，很快就会有结束的一天。
我问女孩，“真的要把心拿出来一博吗？”
女孩很潇洒的回答说，“嗯！人生只有这么一回，我不想要有任何的遗憾。”
男孩并没有给予女孩任何的承诺，却给她实际行动。
一句“女朋友”的称呼，让女孩的微笑无从收藏。
我问女孩，“爱他吗？”
女孩肯定的回答说，“还不至于吧！只是很喜欢罢了~”
在就快要结束的时候，男孩问女孩，“会很伤心吗？”
女孩答说，“嗯…会！可是，我会很快就没事了！”
男孩点点头…
我问女孩，“真的会这样吗？”
女孩犹豫地答，“我也不知道…”
我再问女孩，“爱他吗？”
女孩难以致信地说，“好像是…”
女孩把“我爱你”这三个字一直收藏在自己的心底，从没让男孩知道。
终於到了离开的那一天。
男孩和女孩在最后一次拥抱后结束了一切。
女孩头也不回，慢慢…慢慢的消失在男孩的视线范围中。
在踏出不懂第几个的脚步后，女孩的眼泪再也忍不住，决堤了。
我问女孩，“很痛吗？”
女孩用抽畜着的心告诉我，“痛…心，真的很痛，很难受…”
我看着她哭泣，却又无能为力。
女孩和男孩约定了，就算分了手，也都还会是朋友。
我问女孩，“真的可以做到吗？”
女孩毫不犹豫的说，“我会尽力…”
男孩有一天问女孩，“如果，有一天，我遇到了另一个人，把你给忘了，那…怎么办？”
女孩故做潇洒地说，“早已在我的预料之中啦！没关系的啦！”
我问女孩，“真的没关系吗？”
女孩低着头，呢喃着，“我没有选择的余地…”
女孩和男孩就像当初约定的样子，维持这朋友的关系。
女孩主动地告诉我，说，“这样我就心满意足了！”
我怀疑的问了一句，“是吗？”
女孩没有回答。
有一天，男孩告诉女孩，他有了新的对象。
此刻，我听见了女孩心被撕裂的声音。
她想哭，可是，却连为甚么该哭的理由都找不着。
我很不明白地问，“不是应该无话不谈的吗？为甚么不让他知道你的感受？”
女孩吼着说，“让他知道了，又如何呢？我不想成为他无谓的烦恼！”
女孩伪装着自己的心情,继续分享男孩的心事。
我看见女孩的心不断被她自己折腾着，我不小心为女孩掉了一滴眼泪。
我问她，“真的要继续追问下去吗？”
女孩说，“嗯！因为我们是朋友啊！”
女孩也用了同样一句话，说服了男孩为她说故事。
她喃喃自语地说，“我们是朋友…我想要当一个称职的朋友…”
女孩转过身来，用很无奈的表情看着我，说“真的只剩下友谊了…”
眼泪，终於划过两旁脸颊。
那眼泪的味道，是苦的。
我试图安慰女孩，“那很好啊！起码多了一个朋友嘛！”
女孩不知道该如何回应，只是冷漠地对我微微一笑。
那一个微笑，让我看清楚了女孩的百般无奈。
无奈他们的缘分如此薄弱。
无奈他们俩正在慢慢地走出彼此的生命。
无奈她只能屈服于命运的安排。
女孩把脸放在一旁的肩上，她那无奈的眼神发了呆。
忽然之间，她冒出了一句话，“我没有来得比想像中坚强。”
后记：
当你有冲动想要为爱疯狂一次时候，请尽情放手去尝试。不论结局会是什么样子，都不要去忧虑。
因为，至少10年后，你可以回头望，庆幸自己曾经年少疯狂过。
错过了，就真的是后悔莫及。
女孩就是错过了可以为爱疯狂的机会。现在，无论她有多想为爱疯狂一次，机会早就从手中溜走，不再是属於她的了。
『年少疯狂不是罪，而是必要。』
I don't remember having finals suck this much.......
Life sucks at the moment and is dull as heck......
But!!!
I will revive again after upcoming Friday!!!!!!
Just wait for it~~~~Wait for it patiently and hopefully don't fail in trying to achieve the scores I desired while waiting....
Someone wanna help me and study FOR me??
Daaa---Yaaammmm~~!!!
Next week's my final but I'm still slacking and procrastinating...
Motivation motivation...Where o' where are you hiding at??
I wanna talk like Black people,dawg!
They're hella cool!
Y'oll get what I'm saying?
Imma have to record some of that cool shit and show it to my homies so they'oll know what I'm saying.
Y'o dig what I just said?
Obama's the shit!My homie just won the election and he's 'da bomb!!
Americans ain't got nothin' to lose with my home boy being the president!
Haha!Paiseh..Beh hiao gong gu ai ork lang gong..
Alright..Maybe I didn't do a good job in trying to be Black,but ya'all gotta admit the way they talk is so fun!
Fun~fun~fun~!
If you let me choose which English accent I prefer having,fo' sho' I'll say it's the Black Americans' way of talking.
No~!It had nothing to do with Obama winning the election..
I've liked African Americans' way of speaking English far more earlier than I first heard the name of Barack Obama!
Ok..Enough nonsense for today..
This girl gotta go and study and ace her finals!
Alright..Maybe not ace..
This girl gotta go and study and pass her finals!!
But,just passing is not enough..
This girl gotta go and study so she can NAIL her finals!!!
Holla at 'cha people!!
Oh!Oh!Oh!I've been waiting for soooooooooo long to say this!
And now I can finally say it out loud!!
I've met the President of America in PERSON!!!
President Barack Obama!!!
Uh huh!!!Hell ya I did!!! *rolls on floor laughing*
Ok lar..I didn't meet him lar..Only saw him nia..haha!
But still!I was there to listen to him talk abou the "Change THEY can believe in"..(Well,of course I have to say 'THEY' because I'm Malaysian,not American ma..So what for I include myself in it?)
I was there to shout "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-Bama!" with the rest of the crowd! (Damn the front hair! =.=;)
HaHa!ok lar..I know you guys have read bout that event already in my previous blog in blospot..
My sister said I sound like 'sam pa lao'..
Ok lar..Maybe I am,because D-U-H!I've never seen president before ma!Not even our own Malaysia Prime Minister..Er..Ok lar..I think I've seen him before at a wedding..
Enough talking liao...
Aisiiiiii ahhhh!!!
My finals!!! TT.TT
::::::::::::NOTE:::::::::::::::
From now on,I will try to behave like a girl and be lady-like...Not more adding that much "shit" in my sentences and withold self from saying "fuck"...
It’s easy to think about wanting to forget bout you.
It’s easy to think about how I shouldn’t be thinking bout you.
It’s easy to think about ignoring you.
It’s easy to think about how I should just let it go.
But it is never easy to put those thoughts into actions.
