Well,the countdown for 2009 is finally here.I can't believe that 2008 will be over and done with in less than 4 hours.Mixed emotions is what I'm having indeed.
A while back,I received an email from Gail,my host mum when I was in America.In her email she mentioned how it was near the end of the year and it's almost my one year annivesary since stepping foot into America.It made me realised how fast time has past.This exact moment one year ago,I was on my own,travelling half the globe,from Hong Kong to Tokyo and then to America.To be honest,never in my life have I thought that I would be going to America for real.Even though it was something that I had been planning since end-of-semester-one-2007,it wasn't until the moment I stepped off the United Airline aircraft in San Francisco when I realised,"Woah..I really am in America.America does exist.." Everything about America was so fictional and unreal to me before that moment,it's like America just doesn't exist in the real world,except on tv and stuff.
Undeniably,that first six months in America were the highlights for my 2008.Even the aftershock of that experience is as powerful.
2008 shall be known as the year when Millie's brain started to grow a significant amount.
I'm still a bit 'traumatised' by the fact that 2008 is near over but at the same time,is excited and anticipating for the year 2009 to come.
My new year resolutions are simple.
- Staying fit and healthy
- Be a better person and friend in general (I feel that I wasn't being such a good friend as of lately for some odd reason)
- Score at least a credit for all units,though distinction is more preferable
- Always keep the final goal and dream alive
- Let whatever happened in 2008 be an experience,a life-lesson and memory and linger no more on what has passed
Anything other than those mentioned will fall onto the hands of fate.
I foresee there will be tough time during certain periods of 2009 but I'm sure I'll be able to push myself through them.
For everyone else,especially all my favourite people in this world,I sincerely hope that you guys will have fun in 2009 and most important of all,please stay safe.I don't want to lose any of you,so please,whatever you do,remember to always stay safe.
This is also going to be my last post for 2008,see you guys next year!
I'm off to spend my very last moments with 2008 now.
Remember the departing scene that you can easily see in those dramas?
Do you know how it feels to be forced to say goodbye to something that you're not willing to let go of?
I do.
Over the past few months,I've actually started to forget how bad that was.How hurtful it was to turn my back against something that I wanted.All those pain,and heart throbbing moments,I've actually left them behind,until recently.Maybe it's the jolly of the festive season that has triggered that sorrowful moments once again,maybe it's the sight of seeing people holding hands with their significant others,maybe it's the scene from dramas that reminded me of it,or maybe it's because of Twilight--I don't know.
I 'brainwashed' myself over and over again,how what we had was nothing special,how you're just a boy I met,how I should not let any of my feelings linger no more.I was trying to hypnotise myself.
I ask myself,what is wrong with me?I don't like what I'm experiencing,but why is that I just kept on staying in this ridiculous loop hole that I've created for myself?
I blame myself for everything because I believe that I do have the choice to not be this way,but yet,I did nothing about it.There are times when I wanted to shout at you and put all the blames on you for everything I felt.Then,I realised that was a selfish act.It's not about you,it's about me.It's not because of you that I'm like this,it's just me and the kind of girl I am.
It made me want to figure myself out,trying to put all those bits and pieces together so that 'I' would make sense.I looked back,and discovered that I really have changed.Not sure if it's for the good or the bad,but I changed.Maybe 'change' isn't what happened.Simply,I grew up,and started to take things in a different perspective.
So,what kind of a person am I?Do the people that knew me well in the past still know me as good right now?Should I be putting blames on him for saying what he thinks about me,in conclusion of the past years we had together?I wasn't sure,really,if my reaction to it was appropriate.
Why is that I talk about my relationship with J-boy so much?It's not because he's the one I love/like most.No.It's because that was the relationship that made me realised about lots of stuff and got me thinking.It's more of a representation of who I am,right now.I had a boy that I loved a lot,but that was the young me.It's still 'me',nonetheless,but I'm not sure how many percentage of the young 'me' is still present in the now 'me'.
To be frank,I have forgotten how it feels to like someone,let alone love.I no longer know how it feels to have that tingling sensation you experience when you see the person that you like walk by.I no longer remember how great it feels when someone you like make you smile.If something shall happen right now,I'm not even sure if I know how to respond to it.
I don't think I can draw a conclusion to this post.This post is about finding myself,finding who I am as a person.But I need more experiences in order to make this a success.This shall be the question that will reappear again and again in life.
Note to silent readers:
Common'..Stop being a silent reader..Leave me a comment or something,let me know you're reading and what you think.It's hassle free to drop a comment on the chat box.I'm a girl with lots of curiosity so please...feed my need in wanting to know who's reading..
People should start sharing their love stories with me.
I feel like an old desperate fart,who is in need to listen to some serious love story to make sure that I'm still a young lady!
I'm like the really really old lady who never got married,who is over her menopause,who live next door and who looks like a creep,and is so deprived from the word 'love',who wonder round on the street looking and,occasionally grabbing,young cute guys' butt!
Freaky~!
This Christmas,I feel like I'm being forced to be merry,while in fact,deep deep down inside,I feel damn lonely.Not that I'm actually lonely with no one around me,just lonely in the sense that I don't have a significance other!This isn't my first 'single' Christmas,but sure is the first one that made me feel extra lonely to be single.Why the heck is that?I think because I don't have any exciting plans for this jolly season.
Made me wanna say "F*ck that!"
But I'm not,because I don't want to ruin the good luck that might be coming my way.
This is so pathetic and depressing!Even I myself can't stay my own situation!I'm not cut out for this kind of life~!!!!! Scratch that,I don't even have a life...
Santa!!!!Give me a life as a Christmas present,please!!I beg of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
F*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck!!!
I wasn't being angry,just felt like swearing for no reason.
I love the spirit of Christmas and everything about Christmas,just not this year's.
Santa~Don't disappoint me again next year... *hardcore begging*
我以为，我已经抽离开来了。
可是，事实上我好像…并没有。
我只不过是，闭上了眼睛，一直在原地踏步罢了。
骗得了自己，却瞒不过事实。
到底是为了什么，而不愿意真正的彻底离开呢？
我也不懂。
感情是没了、淡了，那我到底还在期待什么呢？
有时，真的会觉得自己很莫明其妙！
你们觉得，又是为了什么呢？
Finally!The book review number 4 is here..
Hahaha!Sorry for the delay but been kind of very lazy lar~
Anyways,no more bullshit-ing,straight to my review for the book "He's just not that into you" by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo (important people for the book Sex and the City) -- Part 4.
Before I further on,I think it's crucial for me to say this,and this is no bullshit,if you find anything or any ideas that are fabulous,they're not mine.They all belong to the authors,so yay for them and most certainly,I'd ask you to go buy the book and read it yourself,if not buy,...er...just find a way~I should have added disclaimers earlier on to prevent any possible plagiarism..Damn!Oh well~Hahahaha..
(I keep hearing Samantha Jones' voice in my head...I think it's because I just watched 3 episodes of SATC on tv just now..)
Chapter 6:He's just not that into you if he only wants to see you when he's drunk.
Question one:Why wouldn't he want to see you when his brain is capable of functioning well?
Question two:Doesn't he want to remember vividly what happened between the two of you?
Question three:How drunk is drunk?
Question four:People who are being labeled as drunk,are not always as drunk as others think they are!
Okay..So that wasn't a question but a statement,by Millie.
To be honest,I don't know what is there to say about this chapter.This book has gotten so good that there's nothing left for me to comment about,really.Any comments I make would eventually just turn out to be paraphrasing what the authors had just mentioned,which I think,is kind of pointless in a way.
I,personally,don't like hanging with people who drink heavily and have a substance abuse problem,let it be alcohol,drugs or any sort of intoxication.I do enjoy casual drinking,once in a while,but not to the extend of getting trashed every single time you drink!
Take it from a person with a wee bit of experience,as fun as the idea of alcohol night may sound,things may not always turn out as planned.But I guess that's the fun of it,you never know what to expect.It may be fun when you're doing it,but the aftermath,urgh~Horrible!I'm not just talking about hang overs (that was bad! I felt like I was dying and my stomach would cramp itself into the size of a tennis ball),but also some other social issues that you might have to deal with afterwhile.Let's just say you'll have to learn how to get drunk in a smart way and think sober.Hhhmmm...That didn't quite make sense..Errmmm..Hahaha!Anyways... *awkward moment*
Chapter 7:He's just not that into you if he doesn't want to marry you.
If he really loves you,he'll find a way to overcome that commitment-phobia of his.
But that's not the only good thing said by the authors.
One thing I really agree with the authors is that,they're not trying to push everyone into marriage.They are more up for sorting out the mutual agreement between the two people involved.Some couples don't believe in marriage,and they are happy with where they are and decided that marriage is just a mere ceremonial thing.That is perfectly fine,as long as the two are on the same page on what they want for their relationship.
Marriage is no longer the symbol of a relationship success,it's the qualityof the relationship (50% of marriages end in divorce).Some people just walk into marriage easily because they kept divorce in the back of their head,and that is what they always end up with. 'Happily ever after they got married' only appears in fairy tales like Cinderella,Snow White,Sleeping Beauty,Princess and the Pea...bla bla bla...I guess maybe it's because divorce is being banned in those kingdoms (I'd be soooo sad if Cinderella and Prince 'whatever-his-name-is' divorced..They're my favourite-est(!) couple amongst the others)
Some people only see marriage as only the matter of legal protection,nothing else.
But don't get me wrong,I'm still a believer in marriage.I know I'm still young to be having thoughts bout marriage,but these thoughts come and go as they like so I have no control over them.I believe that if I'd want to walk into marriage,I do not have the intention of stepping out of it,so I'd like the other half to be as perfect as he can and be as ideal as possible."Do not compromise because this is a life-long thing",and that's so true.Two people need to be as compatible as they can if they want to spend the rest of their life together.Don't walk into a marriage that you're unsure of,because you'd end up either walking out of it,or torture you and your other half for the rest of your life.
Even when babies are involve,don't think of marriage as the only solution.Sure,you made a mistake and had a baby.So?That doesn't mean that by getting married,things will turn out fine.If you get married to the baby's dad/mum who you already knew is not your ideal companion,you'll be making another mistake not only for both of you,but also for your baby.In the end,your kid is going to be the one suffering.I believe that in this era,it's not the matter of whether or not you're a single parent,it's about giving your children the appropriate nurturing and love.
Think about the long run.You rush into marriage just because you have a baby,is only the solution for the very very short term.Having a baby is suppose to be a blessing,not a cursing.Marry someone because you love him/her and because you want to and because you two are compatible with each other.And if you really do that,then your baby is going to be a blessing,and you'll be having a family,instead of like running an orphanage.
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Totally unrelated issue!
My new kids (not mine!But the ones that I'm caring for,5yrs old and 3 yrs old) are so darn cute!They even sat next to the window facing the front porch just to wait for me to come!And the little one even gave me flowers!Awwww!!I know!!!And the way he said 'Miwie' is soooooo adorable!They're just like babies,just that they're a little bit bigger.And I really enjoy watching them interacting with each others.It's so fun and just make my day a whole lot happier. =D I wish I could show you guys how adorable they are,but I don't think I'm allowed to.The little one likes to say this to me.."Excussse mi *with the tone slightly going up*,Mi-wie..*with the big puppy eyes of his*"And the big one,today (my second day with them),told me to turn around with his cheeky smiling face,and then gave me a big hug from behind!That's the first time a boy did that to me I think..haha!But they are filled with lots of energy~Guess I'll just have to try to catch up with them. =Þ
Anyone tried the Clinique Pore Minimizer Refining Lotion before?It's really good and really effective.I'm using it right now and I think it's working pretty well for me.Should definitely try that one if you want to minimise your pores.
Blah...
Laziness overload...
Blahhh~!
P.S Will write review IV soon,I promise.I already read a few more chapters,just didn't have the time to write anything because I'm too busy being lazy..
So,B-L-A-H~!
This is purely just for a laugh.Thought this might cheer you up,that is if you're having a rather rough time recently.
The battle between the Kiwis and the Aussies.
The Aussies made a short ad for New Zealand's tourism.
And,of course,the Kiwis took their revenge by making this ad for Australia's tourism.
Now!Before you try to go crazy on trying to say how discriminating these people are,you need to just CHILL!
It was only a joke,and the Kiwis and Aussies both did it in a friendly manner.
Pure entertainment.
The Kiwis and the Aussies took it pretty well,so don't sob or get all upset bout it.
I'm no Kiwis,I'm no Aussies,but as far as I know,those two love each other,and likes to make harmless jokes about each other.It's like when you talk jokes with your bro,it's the same.So don't jump into any conclusion saying that one is better than the other or one hates the other.
I think both Kiwis and Aussies are cool.So,that's that.
嗯…总觉得最近很多人都不约而同地心情不好了起来。 (不约而同bah...写作文咩？哈哈！)
又，或者是莫明其妙地感慨了起来。
大家究竟是为了什么而感慨呢？
好像是大家刚好到了同一个“犹豫”的阶段。
犹豫着我们的前途该如何是好，感觉前途茫茫。
或许，这是必经的阶段吧！
无论如何，希望大家都能振作起来，一直撑下去！
这篇，是为了大家而写的。
虽然，没有什么很厉害的内涵，可是，是充满着我的祝福。
祝福大家，正能量快快回到自己的身边！
Yoooosshhhhh~~!!!!!! p ^.^ q
The results are out.
79,79 and 67.
I couldn't say that I am totally disappointed with the results,but there's a sense of regret.
It's like I didn't push myself far enough to earn that extra point that can help boost the scores to a higher level.
I thought I did my best,at least it felt like I really did,but the end result says otherwise.
I should have done better because I expected a little bit more,I said to myself.
It's always that one final small step that I refuse to take or otherwise aren't smart enough to figure out what that step is.
Why is that I'm always just this,|-|,close to achieving what I want?
It's all psyhocological,really.That in the Olympics,the Silver medalist is always way more sorrowful than the Bronze medalist.The Silver medalist is soooo close to the Gold,yet the Bronze medalist is soooo close to getting nothing.(P.S I learnt that in class,so credits go to whoever is the founder of this research)
But I won't say I'm the Silver medalist.Rather,I think I'm more like the 3rd runner up.Soooo damn close to be holding on to a medal,yet all I can do is stand next to the Bronze medalist and weep as I see my medal being given to someone else.
What makes me even sadder (?) is that the 3rd year unit I took,I only got an overall of 67.Which means that,not only did I fuck my finals,I am also one big freaking step further away from getting into 4th year honours class.I know,I know,honours class is for people who are smart,but hey!It doesn't hurt to dream big,does it?
Ouch!
As a matter of fact,it does hurt to dream big,especially when you fail and the whole world knows about it,and possibly will laugh their heads off at your naivity (?).Well,maybe it's just me and my imaginary audiences (learnt that from class,too).I don't think anyone else besides me and my lectures give a damn bout how I score.
Yes yes..I know..People try to cheer me up,it's not the score that matters,it's how much you've learnt that really count.Well,I don't mean to pop the bubbles for myself,but when I look back,I know I've been taught tons of stuff,but nothing seems to stick in my head for long.It's like I suffer from an "Academic Bulemia" (click on link,please if you'd like to know bout that).So,that word of comfort doesn't really do its job that well.
But really,I got no one else to blame for the fault but myself.I know I'm not a smartass,and my attention span is not extraodinarily long,and I'm not a super-fast learner,so it really comes down to how hardworking I am.*Tsk tsk* As far as I know,I'm not the most hardworking one.
Nah nah nah!
No words of comfort or any comforting praises is needed at this point.
Don't tell me that it's good enough,because you don't know what good enough is for me.I'm 100% sure you don't know because I don't know either..Teehee..
I'm not upset,because it's not like I failed miserably or anything.
It's just that,I think it would be awesome to feel the happiness of knowing I did extremely well in exams.
When the results were out,all I felt was flat-ness.No excitement,no extreme sorrow (though,I was bummed that I didn't at least score 70 for my 3rd year unit),just a sense of "Oh~!"
Why is that so?
I don't know..Could be because it felt like I could have pushed even harder,but I didn't.And knowing that I've screwed my 3rd year unit just sucks.It's not an extremely difficult unit,but I just wasn't motivated enough to actually give it my all.Despite all the big dream talk of wanting to get into honours class,I didn't try to give in more,which is why I'm a bit disappointed in myself.
Will I ever get into honours class?I seriously don't know.I doubt my own ability but yet,I'd like to keep that dream alive.I just hope that at the end,I won't disappoint myself and also Dr Ros.I felt that she believes in me and didn't try to talk me down even after what Dr Lyndall had said bout my first year scores don't seem like I'm capable of making it into honours class.
But,oh well~!What comes around goes around.
I'm going out to get myself a piece of cake now.
这几天，我将会努力的思考我到底是个怎么样的一个人。
一个人的一句话，让我对我自己产生了若干疑惑。
这不是一件坏事。
我不是悲观，不是伤心，也不是自卑，只是疑惑。
多年来，我给你的印象果真如此吗？
是的话，那，又是为甚么？我实在是很不明白。。。
可是，自己看自己，这会有多准呢？
我所得到的结果，可靠吗？
让我再想一想吧！
想到再来写过。
